Wow... I was looking at my previous post and I realised just how disjointed all my ideas were.. It was as if I was idea hopping, with the two ideas connected in a way only I understood. Probably shouldn't try to do serious thinking late at night. Then again, Jon Lee says that I do often speak disjointedly in class. Uh oh. Well hopefully I will get better with time as I start to put my ideas down in writing (figuratively) instead of just letting my mind fly wherever it will.
I would love to elaborate on my earlier ideas and make clearer connections but time weighs upon us. Once the day is gone, I'm not going to change my earlier posts. Call it a record and representative of time. I think it makes a good time capsule. The only changes I will make is to correct spelling errors and other basic grammatical errors.
Hmm... so about today... well it was pretty interesting. I slept really really late last night because for some reason, I couldn't sleep. And then, while I was sleepy and in the semi-conscious state I suddenly felt like I was hit like a bolt of lightning with the realisation that a guy that I had been looking at couldn't possibly be my soulmate, that he was just using me as a 'pad' (as Silvano calls it) to rest before taking off again. I had been wondering if he was my soulmate, because the first time we talked, I felt the connection. We do share a lot of the same opinions, even though we come from different backgrounds. And I liked the fact that he was a thinker. And a lot of other stuff about him. But he isn't (at least I'm 80% sure), so I go on looking.
I suddenly recall what Jonny said the other day about being single and I just thought (with a bit of a smile) that, hey, this brings me closer to being single for the rest of my life, then when I hit 41 I will become a nun :p Seriously speaking though, that is a promise that I made to God quite a long time ago. It is my personal belief that when we come into this world, some people have a soulmate, while others don't. And unfortunately if we all just married the first man/woman that came along, without the two of you knowing that you are soulmates, wouldn't we be potentially depriving someone of their soulmate? That thought haunts me. When I made that promise, I was thinking that if I had a soulmate and was meant to get married, surely I would have found him by the age of 41. And if I were not married, that simply means that I was meant for the Perfect Groom... to be the bride of Jesus Himself. There's nothing wrong with that. It's really a lot of discernment though, because romantic relationships are so convulated that it's not really that easy to find out if you really have a soulmate. Then if you do have one, you have to discern if he/she really is your soulmate or just someone that you have attractions to. Treat it as a responsibility to yourself, your partner and that other unknown person that you may be depriving a soulmate of.
How do we know who is our soulmate is? He/she could be anyone. This thought has been going around my head for a long time and a line from the theme song 遇见 (Meeting) of the movie 向左走, 向右走 (Turn Left, Turn Right) has been recurring, that "我等的人还在多远的未来" but I couldn't recall any more of the lyrics because I've never watched that movie. I never really went to search for the lyrics either, but when I did today... it just spoke everything. (proof that music is therapeutic :p)
阴天 傍晚 车窗外 未来有一个人在等待
向左 向右 向前看 爱要拐几个弯才来
我遇见谁 会有怎样的对白
我等的人 他在多远的未来
我听见风 来自地铁和人海
我排著队 拿著爱的号码牌
An overcast day, at dusk, outside the car window
In the future, someone is waiting for me
Look to the left, to the right, to the front
How many twists and turns will Love take before coming?
What kind of conversation will I have when I meet someone?
The person I'm waiting for, how distant is he in my future?
I hear the wind coming from the subway and crowd of people
I'm standing in line, holding onto love's ticket number
I still like it in chinese more. I love particularly the way the lyrics are made into a poem. Especially the first 2 lines, which are like a chinese couplet. I didn't actually take all the lyric though, just the ones that I identified the most with. Here's the youtube vid of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6VEkSab1bk I'm not a fan of Stephanie Sun's but we all know times when a song really speaks to you, and this one did.
Actually I'd like to speak more about yesterday's post about movies and romance... Those movies which I was talking about, and many others, start to portray the wrong impression of love (for that matter, romance novels are serial offenders of this). They advertise the initial attraction and sparks, marked by the instant gratification of sexual tension (usually expressed through a kiss) without the consideration of the after-effects. Okay. So you kiss the girl. Or the guy. Whichever applicable. Then what? If there is no substance in the relationship to start with, it's just not going to work out, and neither can you just go back to before and pretend that nothing ever happened, because well, too bad, it did happen. Everything that you had in the friendly relations before that, changes. By giving in to one's own desires and impulses, we may in fact lose a soulmate, one who is the best of us, but it didn't work out in the end because there was not enough preparation before one or the other decided to have that umm... kiss. The young couple in the 'Letters to Juliet' is a case in point. You don't even Know this guy! All the nitty gritty things of a relationship that are not sweet, but necessary. The pet peeves, the secret dreams... and a whole lot of other things that can seem minor at first but can become a real abrasion point in the relationship.
I just feel angry with these people (those who create media) sometimes, and you know, the effects of their actions go right down to the children. When I was P1, I was almost kissed by a classmate. Well, I had been doing class duty with 3 other classmates and I was squatting, dusting the books in the class library. One of my male classmates who was also doing class duty came very close to me and I was shooing him away with the feather duster (come on, I didn't know what he was thinking). When that didn't make him go away, I got pretty fed up and turned my back to him, standing up at the same time. And that was when the other boy doing class duty shouted out that he had been trying to kiss me. Argh. I was only 7 at the time! Such portrayals of romance in the media however, obviously do not just influence impressionable young children, nor heady young teenagers.
I have a friend who once kissed his friend's younger sister while they were watching tv. And he regretted it since then! Because after that the sister kept on coming after him, thinking that there was a mutual attraction when really it was just a moment of lust which destroyed any chance of a serious relationship thereafter. He only got his respite when she finally moved to Texas. When I first heard of it, I wanted to laugh and say 'this is what you get for doing something like that' but after that I did feel sorry for him because he got to a rather bad state when she practically stalked him. Then again, it's not all the fault of the media. They put those things there because society (well the audience) demands it, essentially 'voting' for it when they pay to watch these things. Does art influence society or society influence art? A Hmm and a sigh...
Anyway... when I woke up, it was a rush to go for rehearsal at ACS(I). At the rehearsal, during the praise and worship sessions, there were people (well, women) holding flags, on a 2.5m pole and the flag itself was about 1.5m long and 1m wide. It was a real 'what the...?' moment, because I couldn't really understand why they needed these flags for, other than for show. These women kept waving the flags in time to the music, for as long as they were singing! They didn't seem tired at all, even though that thing must be pretty heavy. What stamina! Maybe they are secretly from canoeing :p
Then mom and I went to pick up my younger bro from band practice. The bandit! Everyone in my family have been in music-related ECAs/CCAs, especially my parents, who met in the band. We passed a place called 'Marine terrace haven' and when I saw it, immediately I winced. Oh man! Anyway, when we reached VS (Victoria School) the gate was open for parents' cars to drive in, so in we went. On reaching the porch, I noticed that the roof of the porch was very interestingly decorated. They had large triangles and trapezoids in dark blue and light blue, and at first I thought that it was some kind of oversized mosaic. It didn't take me long, however, to realise that it was a constellation! :D It was really cool, between the dark and light blue shapes were white lines connecting the stars, and the stars were, guess what? The lights! When the lights come on, it will be like the stars lighting up! How beautiful! The best part was that the brighter stars in the constellation were differentiated from the dimmer stars, as the brighter stars had two compact florescent lamps in the socket instead of one. Sagittarius, the archer... I gasped. I asked my younger bro if he knew what the things on the roof were. He had absolutely no idea. When I told him it was a constellation he said, "huh... really..." and he's been in VS for 3 years! Leave it to the astronomy enthusiast :p
Anyway it was a real drag lugging the harp (literally and figuratively) back from ACS(I) so bro didn't really have a place to sit. I ended up sitting in the front seat with my harp stool on my lap and my younger bro in the back in an awkward position. Talk about awkward. Heh. Well, nothing much else has happened so far, except for dad disconnecting the internet to my room so that he can watch mio tv in his room. Yeah, some issues about the circuitry. It's alright anyways, I can still use the computer in my parents room. Just no late night chatting tonight, haha. Well, good night and the performance is tomorrow, followed by rehearsal with the OMM (Orchestra of the Music Makers), so it's going to be one rolicking sunday again :p
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