The most important things are people

Today I read an article about the current education given to children in America, as well as the attempts to reform it.



“It is not hyperbole to say that the state of education in our country is a challenge to our national security. Human capital has never been more important for success in our increasingly competitive world economy. Yet, although the United States invests more in education than almost any other developed nation, its students rank in the middle of the pack in reading and toward the bottom in math and science. On average, U.S. students have fallen behind peers in Korea and China, Poland and Germany, Canada and New Zealand. This puts us on a trajectory toward massive failure.

“Our schools simply must do better. It is essential too that we provide a base of knowledge for our students in order to produce citizens who can serve in the Foreign Service, the intelligence community, and the armed forces. Today, the State Department is struggling to recruit enough foreign language speakers, U.S. generals are cautioning that enlistees cannot read training manuals for sophisticated equipment, and an after action report from the XVIII Airborne Corps in Iraq found that out of 250 intelligence personnel, less than 5 had the “aptitude to put pieces together to form a conclusion.” For the United States to maintain its role of military and diplomatic leadership, it needs highly qualified and capable men and women to conduct its foreign affairs. Knowledge of the world and of foreign languages is essential.”



Later on in the article, it states:

There were very interesting dissents from the task force members, chiefly Randi Weingarten of the United Federation of Teachers, and Harvard University’s Stephen Walt, who says the report “exaggerates the national security rationale for reforming US K-12 education.” No country is likely to match America’s overall military power and technological supremacy for decades, he says, adding: “There are good reasons to improve K-12 education, but an imminent threat to our national security is not high among them.”




Obviously Mr. Weingarten and Mr. Walt have never heard of the Chinese saying,

十年树木，百年树人

Which is about a ruler of ancient China who asked one of his advisors what he should do if he wanted his kingdom to be able to last into the future. The advisor replied, "If you want to survive for another 10 years, cultivate trees (as a natural defense against invaders). If you want to survive for another 100 years, cultivate people of calibre.

Yes, the US is powerful right now, building on the foundation of their forefathers. But what about the future? If you wait for your "supremacy" to last you through a few more decades, by the time you Really need to have an advantage in weapons technology, you can't because your human capital is not there. This is a serious problem of complacency, and lack of planning for the future. And so if you are going to be a sitting duck in the future waiting to be annexed, why even bother defending now what you will soon lose within a century? The key here is to be always ready, before everyone else. Otherwise, you lose when you meet competition, because that's what almost everyone else is trying to do!

I can't help but think about the founder of the great car company, Toyota. He, as the founder, not only made 5 and 10-year plans as is common in the industry, but went so far as to have a 500-year plan for his company! Call that forward planning.




Perhaps I'm a little melodramatic today because I watched Ip Man 2. Christopher told me that it was really good so I went to watch. It was indeed good, but it was obviously also very patriotism-based like the first film, so some parts were intentionally tear-jerkerish (also like the first film). I ended up being a little bit like wanting to achieve justice in the world (or something like that), and when I read that there are still some children in America, especially the blacks and hispanics, who are inherently disadvantaged because of the education system, I just felt really sad and also angry at the nature of the American system. But any kind of system must surely be imperfect, so what can we do? I guess, we can either try to politically tweak the system to try make it better, or we can go out there and individually make a difference.

I found myself wanting to teach music to disadvantaged children, and possibly even gather some music friends playing various instruments, with a 'meet-and-greet' style presentation giving a general introduction to each instrument so that the children could choose what kind of instrument they wanted to learn. Yeah, strange ideas I know, but I just want to record my current feelings right now.

Quantum physics

My 80th post. And it's going to be a short one: a paragraph taken from a story I was reading. I've thought about over the years, in the same way the writer did, but could never express it as well as this person could.

"Lance, there are six billion people on this planet. What are the odds that if two people are actually going to be a perfect match for each other, that they will actually find each other?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "It doesn't happen. There are millions of people that we would be happy with. Love is a game of musical chairs where who we end up with is determined by whoever we happen to be dating when the music stops. It's blind luck. It's quantum physics."

Music and this guy called 'McGurk'

The McGurk effect. That's what it's called.

You may not have heard of it, but if you have good use of both your sight and your hearing, you will be affected by it. Was sitting in the 'Introduction to Psychology' tutorial today and we discussed the McGurk effect. The tutor first let us watch a video where there was a man who started repeating a sound over and over again. The man was mouthing 'ga' but the sound that was played to us was 'ba' and the result we were supposed to get was 'da' as the brain tries to resolve how someone can say 'ba' while mouthing 'ga'.

The tutor explained that most of the time, as a time-saving measure, the brain tries to shortcut by picking up cues from multiple senses simultaneously. The McGurk effect is simply an illustration of how the brain, receiving audio input but at the same time receiving conflicting visual cues, can be misled into thinking a sound is different from what it really is.

That got me thinking about performing and live performances. As any good musician knows, the performance is not just about the sound, but also the gestures. That expression on your face just before you start, or the contortion of the face while you try to express the pain in the music... It all adds up. Musicianship isn't only about sound. A large component is also about being an actor, of sorts, at least. The music itself cannot always speak, but with these additional visual cues, can send a message more powerful than just with the sound itself.

Why is a live performance almost always better than a CD recording? Other than the general atmosphere, the better acoustics... I think this is definitely a contributing factor. One of my teachers, once talked about a percussionist from the MPO. He said that for this percussionist, when he is about to play, his body language when he is about to hit the timpani, or simply his expression... You can just know that the sound is going to be big, or small, as the case may be. Maybe it's like someone telling you that a sound should be big, that when you actually hear the sound, even though it's not really big, you think it is.

Obviously it's not just percussionists which make use of this, because many other instruments use it too. For harpists, we definitely use it. The other time when Marie-Pierre Langlamet gave a masterclass she talked a lot about the whole sound concept, since we have so much trouble with it. Harps have so much sustain that we are not always able to stop when we want it to. On the other hand, when we do want to sustain something, like a chord, we can't sustain it for as along as the string, wind and brass instruments. So, we cheat. It's not just the expression on our face, but the way in which we extend out our arm in an arc after playing a note... These are all gestures which all add up, leading audiences to think that a certain sound is different from what they actually hear. Harpsichordists probably rely most on the McGurk effect, since they have the toughest life of all. Their instrument is mostly incapable of sustain, and the range of their dynamics is severely limited. However, their performances are anything but unmusical. You see, they have so many thousand tricks up their sleeve that it would be too much to list them all down here. Anyway I think you get the point by now.

This week

"Rome was not built overnight, nor were any great venues or buildings, but Indonesia seems to be ignoring this saying, and perhaps attempting to reenact a Javanese legend in which a prince named Bandung Bondowoso builds 999 temples overnight for a beautiful princess he plans to marry."

I lol-ed when I read that. What excellent sarcasm! The article was about how Indonesia is trying to rush out the venues ahead of the SEA games. Obviously they learnt nothing from the India-and-Commonwealth-Games debacle, and from what I see, the progress is even worse than India's was. Really, what's up with organisers nowadays?

Anyways, since I started a blog post, I might as well continue and talk about the week so far, these being the last few hours before the week ends. This Thursday I met up with Thilaiga, Hazel and Colin for lunch. It has been pretty long since I met Thi. Then Hazel and Colin spent the first half of the lunch 'quarreling' over which song to pick. Lol.

As for the rest of the week, it has not been nearly as productive as I hoped it could be. Haha. Well I tried to concentrate entirely on my Biz for Musicians project, but it had the reverse effect... instead of getting any work done, I didn't get anything done at all. When I did practise a little, however, I realised that I actually Wanted to do my project. Ziqiao was telling me pretty much the same thing. I think it's something that comes generally to people... when they have more things that they must urgently complete, they will end up doing stuff a lot faster than someone who has less stuff to do. I guess it's something like the last-minute rush to complete projects. So, anyway. I realised part of the unproductivity was because I was missing my harpy :(

Well, since we know that doing more of other work (like writing a blog) will make you do the work you intended to do in the first place (like my project), I guess I should get back to it now :)

Battlestar Galactica

Whee! It's monday and I'm feeling a bit of an adrenaline rush (even though it's now 2.30 am) because I've just finished reading a book of Battlestar Galactica (alright, so it was a compilation of 3 books into 1) and boy, was it good. I heard so much about it that I knew it must be good, but whoa, it certainly didn't disappoint. It was so fast paced, everything...

I was in the library on friday when I saw this book on the shelf, so I thought, why not? And so I borrowed it. Was secretly hoping that I'd run into C one of the days so I could show the book, as C happens to like the series as well. Would be cool (and funny) if I did :P

Currently talking online to Aby about it right now and he's telling me that it's the new version of BSG that I was reading. I had to talk to him about BSG, of course, especially because one of the characters that he has is called 'Hot Dog' after Brendan Constanza in the series. Apparently Aby knows that it's the 'new' version of BSG simply by finding out that this character called 'Starbuck' is female instead of male in the 'old' version.

Was mildly amused by the fact that often I manage to figure out what's going on before the characters in the book itself figure out, but isn't that usually the case anyway? (instead of it being an indicator of your intelligence) That you get the 'inside' view as the reader, while the characters are sort of floundering about not knowing what to do.

Aby is saying 'gosh, you are a reader'. Well, what did you expect, mister... I'm a bibliophile *smirks* On the other hand, I don't really watch movies or watch tv, so I guess that kinda makes up for it. It's just that on some level I rather resent the hold that books have upon me, when I end up spending hours, hours I can more often than not, barely afford to spare... Oh well, who cares :D Nobody here but us, me and my books :P

You are the girl in a love triangle

You are the girl in a love triangle

F F |F F |=- |E D | F |D F|= D|=-

1--- | 2-- |3--|4--- |1- |2-- |3-- |=-

Somehow the music found itself to the words while I was with the phone with a friend. It's so difficult to do music notation in purely symbols that you can find on the keyboard. Especially when you want to do syncopation and tied notes. Haha. Luckily that girl in a love triangle isn't me, or I should be so troubled. I'd just sit down here and just miss Nambi, thank you very much.

Meh

Aiyo... who knew buying a harp is so problematic even when going through a dealer who is supposed to do everything for you?

Btw I'm really happy about the dealer I'm going through because she doesn't charge you any commission and what you pay is exactly what is stated on the Lyon & Healy website, not a cent more. Her profit comes because L&H gives her a dealer's discount. If you know anyone who wants to buy a harp please contact me and I will give you her contact no. If you can possibly avoid it do avoid buying overpriced harps (well, duh): scout around the market, as well as online, to see what prices are like. L&H, for example, states all their harps' prices on their website. Great company, L&H. Lovely harps, good service, wide variety... I like the Salvi harps too, from Italy, though of course Salvi did buy over L&H when it ran into financial problems. Such a large and reputable harp-maker like L&H running into financial problems. No prizes for guessing in which country they are based in.

Read more of 'Mao's Great Famine' today. What a disgusting guy. What got me the worst was what he said: "It is better to let half of the population starve to death so that the other half may eat their fill." Of course, the half that eats their fill inevitably includes him and his cronies. Persecution of the Jews during the 3rd Reich? That's nothing. Stalin's Great Purge? A joke. I mean, these two actually had a motive to kill. Mao Zedong indirectly killed 45 million of his countrymen for the sake of saving face. He might not have signed an execution order, but he condemned them to death when he stopped caring about whether they actually had enough to eat, or warmth in winter. And many new agricultural measures introduced by the Communist Party were unscientific and untested, backfiring spectacularly. The rush for quantity over quality (to look good) created a chain of wastage when many products were simply unusable. Mao said, "There is no such thing as a reject product, one man's reject is another man's grain." Ha! What sheer stupidity... there are no words. It's a wonder no one started a revolution, or maybe everyone was too hungry to do so.

And so I shall head to bed. I'll be meeting Nambi tomorrow, as part of a group. After 2 years, I finally made it to his church's 'school meetings' in NUS which I couldn't go for before because it always seemed to be on a Friday when I always had one lesson or another (still do). This academic year though, because some people graduated so there can be changes to the timing of the meetings, and it will be held on Wednesdays. The best part is that it is held in Utown, where Nambi lives. AND it's close to my school, which is a big big big bonus, instead of having to travel to Science faculty and finding whichever random lecture theatre they have commandeered for the day. Bet the others will coerce him to show us his room, and I've always wanted to know what a Utown room looks like. Should be interesting.

P.S. there is a slightly yellowish stain on my bolster cover, barely discernible, but it's there, and it's exactly the size and shape of the tearstain that I left there yesterday. Which I created when I was on the phone for a blissful yet painful 16 minutes (I'd promised to time the conversation and put down the phone in 10 minutes, but it dragged, and we were saying our goodbyes when his phone ran out of battery. Just as well I guess). Being able to hear his voice but not see him just accentuates the pain. And the crying also left me with a hugely swollen right eye so I could hardly do my Italian homework. You are lousy, Karen. When I mentioned to Hazel that the yellowish stains on my bolster (the bolster itself, not the cover) are due to tearstains, she said that it could be simply due to saliva. Well then, the stain on the bolster cover is proof that it's not saliva: if saliva caused it, then my bolster should have been brown through and through a long time ago.

Back pains

I read 'The Time Traveler's Wife' today. It's one of the few times post-Nambi that I have not cried while reading a love story. How strange it is, because this book has made more of an impact on the core of my being than the trashy romance novels that seem to multiply like rabbits.

I've begun to realise the power that art has over me. Does it happen to every person who creates art (artists, musicians, writers, dancers, etc)? It is as if art has a greater impact on me than it does for others. I don't seem to realise this before and it was like the realisation that I had of Nambi: that every male that I had romantic feelings for after him was because they reminded me so much of him. Which is quite awful. Like exploring a house of mirrors thinking you're going somewhere and then you arrive just where you started from. That I thought I was over him.

I know now. My feelings are traitorous, eager to betray me at the slightest chance. Was it not enough that I should miss him every day? That I should encounter someone, even if imaginary, with the same experience that I have, of repeated loss and no hope of ever being truly together?

Do I even Want to be 'together'?

Surely, my body cries out 'yes, yes!' for deep in sleep I cuddle up to my bolster, knowing it is and yet knowing it is not the arms of my past beloved and quite possibly present beloved: after we broke up in Jan 2009 I have never told him I love him, but then again he probably knows... he's quite a perceptive person, actually.

His cynical reluctance to speak.

And then I think of the remote likelihood we might marry, the probability of which is about the same as randomly choosing a star in the Milky Way and finding out that it's our sun. Which gets depressing. Which is why I block the thoughts. Random thoughts about dopamine and receptors go floating by my head but I lack the energy to want to bind them together into something substantial.

I recall that breakup in Jan 09. Broken and desperate, I begged Esther, a girl from Nambi's church whom he calls his 'godsister' to help me, or at least speak to him on my behalf. Her response was that we shouldn't care about anything other than God. Secretly I've always had this personal conviction that this was one of the reasons I became Catholic instead of Protestant, but jokes aside, I've always been a little upset at her for that. I have forgiven her, of course, but old wounds do prickle still sometimes. Her response is actually not unusual of someone who has been 'Christian' all her life, so can't really blame her either.

When you lose someone who means so much to you... Maybe, after years of separation, you can say, "You know, I'm great, I don't need that person." and yet the longing creeps up upon you and sooner or later you're going to capitulate and do something crazy, or wither away. Or both, one after the other.

I can't believe I'm sitting in the student lounge writing this. And crying. Siu Yan is sitting behind me, blissfully unaware, because she is studying German. This is already the 2nd time tears have flowed down my face: after the first time, Siu Yan came to talk to me and apparently she didn't realise I was previously crying because she told me a funny story about a crazy man who used to be her neighbour. We giggled a little over it and I went back to my writing and here I am at it again. Honestly, no one else in the world can make me cry as many times or as much as Nambi does. I have the tear marks in my bolster to show for it, because every time I do cry it's always 'hug-the-bolster-and-cry'. Yet, the tears were what drove him away.

I wish I could tell him everything.

P.S. A note to myself: After the time Irene and I met for the Kinokuniya thing, she later broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years on National Day.

Back to school

I moved back to the hostel yesterday. Well officially I'd moved back on Monday, but I only really moved in in Thursday when I got to stay overnight. This room is great! It doesn't face inwards to a circle of blocks, so there is better air circulation. Also, even though it's not a very high floor, it's actually something equivalent to 5 stories off the ground, so I'd say it's windy enough. There's also the forest to the right side, so that's going to make things cooler. I think I won't need any aircon at all. In fact I was rather cold last night, in my first night at the hostel. This, even with the night sky being cloudy, which tends to trap heat at night. The first night in the hostel wasn't that bad... I actually managed to sleep, and very soundly too even though I was cold when I woke up. However I woke up just as day broke, and I couldn't manage to fall asleep before the sun rose, so I didn't sleep at all and kept wandering between sleep and consciousness. Not a nice feeling. At least I didn't get a headache today any more like I did yesterday.

Hazel and gang had a night cycling outing yesterday and I'd previously really wanted to go, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I can't possibly go for it or else I would die for both my lesson on Saturday, as well as the one on Tuesday. Schedule is just so tight somehow... Hazel was rather reluctant to let me not go for the outing because she really wanted me to go. Well, in the end I was really really glad that I had taken the decision not to go for the night cycling, because even before 8 pm, I had already developed a splitting headache (but still practised through it because I thought that I would have a duet practise with hy today, which didn't materialise because hy messaged me that she had an important doc's appointment. Ah well.) Plus it became the 1st day of period for me. It was late btw... I was waiting for it already in mid-July. Ah well. I'd rather my periods came at longer intervals so that I can forget about it most of the time, hehe.

After I got into my room again (yesterday on Thursday), I realised that I forgot to bring a ton of stuff. Chief among them was the CD player which I'd promised Gulia to bring to the studio. Sigh. I also forgot other important stuff like my slippers, so when I showered I had to leave my shoes outside, with a wad of tissue paper outside for me to dry my feet and put them into my shoes, the moment I stepped out of the shower.

I moved the bed to the position that I had adopted for it in my 1st year, because if you just leave the bed right in the middle of the room it makes the room look really small. Sure I miss the huge table at shears hall which allowed me to be hugely disorganised by putting everything just on the table without actually organising them together, but I've been managing pretty well so far. In fact, I think that I might actually be more organised now than compared to my 1st year. Then again, I'm already 2 years older (and hopefully more than 2 years more mature) and have more awareness as well as control over my body's natural impulses and inclinations (i.e. being lazy and undisciplined). I'm going to have my own breakfast arrangement with containers and all, so let's hope it works. I don't really like the cereal, even though it's rather nice and crispy. Oh well. Can't get choosy.

As a result of that Thursday mistake of not bringing a ton if this and that to the hostel, I had to go home today to fetch my stuff. Which was when I decided to meet my (by far) favorite cousin Irene at the same time that I went back home (because she lives very close to me) and together go to Kinokuniya for their 20% discount for cardmembers. The shop has a great selection of books, most of which you won't be able to get anywhere else in singapore. No wonder Irene loves going there.

Since it was lunchtime when we went, we decided to eat in the cafe in the shop. We got to reminiscing about the last time we had visited Kinokuniya together, and Irene concluded that the last time we came was when I was still in upper sec. Boy do I recall that episode vividly. I was in the 'learn Norweigian' phase, hehehe. Which makes one wonder how long this period will last. I think it will last a lot longer than the Norweigian though, because Italian I will be learning in school, and for a period of 2 semesters too, so it should be good. I got 3 books in total today, 1 about Mao's Great Leap Forward, and 2 books on Italian, one dictionary, as well as a workbook for exercises. The workbook was a little crumpled at the edge and Irene pointed it out and said that we should go back and change for a nicer copy. I said I don't mind because that one is a workbook that is going to be thrown around anyway so I might as well, you know, do them a service. Also I suspect that with a book that's too pretty I might not want to bring out the workbook to study. Irene wasn't too comfortable with me buying a crumpled book and later on when we went back around that area she said, "Can you go back and exchange it for a nicer one, for the sake of your cousin who has OCD?" I said, "Ok lor, I'll do it to make you happy" and she was going, "Err..." I guess she didn't expect that, or maybe she didn't realise how far I would go sometimes to please others.

Afterwards, after we had parted, my mind went back to it and realised that actually, most of us have 'OCD', or what we consider as having OCD. For Irene it might be having a very pretty book with an immaculate cover. For C it might be meticulously visiting every canteen in the campus the same number of times, or toasting bread for exactly 7 minutes. For another friend, GY, it's about following her daily personal timetable in the exact order, i.e. A, B then C, and if something happens that hinders her completion of B, she's stranded there until B is completed, and she won't start on C even if she can. For me it's about using erasers in the exact way (only 1 side) or not using the eraser on the back of mechanical pencils, or brushing my teeth for 30 minutes a day (alright, that's not a compulsion, just something that I compel myself to do every night, although on some days my self-discipline fails :p). The point is that we all have our own so called 'compulsions', which I prefer to call as pet peeves, most of whom don't have any logical basis at all, but just makes us really upset if things don't go our way. Most of the time these pet peeves are harmless but we have to be careful sometimes and try our best to compromise sometimes, in the process suppressing our own natural reactions to things. I don't really get why we get pet peeves though. Maybe I can find out more about it from a psych student... :P

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Yesterday night, I was trying to be friendly to people in the cluster, so I said hi to all the people whom I met. The first was a girl who was looking at her phone. After saying hi to her rather loudly (well I naturally almost always speak loudly anyway :P) she looked up at me, then promptly looked down again at her phone and walked past me, without giving me any sign that she had seen or heard me at all. To her credit, she might have smiled or something, which I wouldn't be able to see because I wasn't wearing my specs at the time. The 2nd time was this morning after getting out of the shower, when I said hi to someone else, who also ignored me. Sigh. I did get lucky tonight though. After being ignored by 2 people that I said hi to, I finally got a reply from someone today. I think her name is Umbika which I think is actually quite a nice name. She's from India but has been in singapore for a few years (haven't found out exactly how long though) and she's studying chemical engineering. Wow. Take my hat off to that. All the numbers would just kill me, though I wouldn't mind chemistry too much :P She stays in M, the 2nd door away from me so well we'll see I guess.

The excitement to get back to school is permeating through everyone at YST. I think I pushed myself too hard today though... After Gulia pointed out my mistakes on Monday: I am HUGEly guilty of what on the piano would be known as the 'broken finger' syndrome. So I spent today trying to get rid of it in my left 3rd finger and now my wrist is really tired, so I think I shall stop typing here and get to sleep, there's chamber/studio class tomorrow at 10 so I have to wake up at 8 or something...

Last days before school reopens...

Went again to watch the HP movie, this time with Jasmine and Emma. I think I did pretty well this time in not being a spoiler. Haha. I'm getting better! :D I recall when I was P5 and our Rosyth choir watched Fantasia, I kept revealing spoilers all through the show until my friend told me to shush. Hmm. I was trying to recall her name a few days ago but forgot her surname. It comes back to me now though... I believe her name is Debbie Foo. Should check her out on fb :)

It's nice finally meeting our cedar clique again. Hmm. I can't seem to remember the last time we met up. Probably for HP5... Was a great catch up session. We agreed that the 'not my daughter you bitch' was underwhelming and Jasmine said that there's this artist, Acciobrain, on deviantART (love that site) who drew a picture with greater impact (in an image!) than the scene in the movie. Guess that shows you how poorly done it was. There were other funny stuff as well, especially the part where Harry grabbed Voldemort and the both of them went down into the Hogwards courtyard... that was a bit too.. radical I think. Also the part where Voldemort just flaked into ashes instead of clearly showing how the Avada Kedavra rebounded back on him... It's strange that this happened because JK Rowling was one of the producers for the movie, yet there was so much (strange) deviations from the text. Maybe it's a creative override from the director or something. Hmm. Oh I also liked the horn solos whenever Neville did something special... like when he clambered up to safety after the collapse of the bridge... it's almost like a heroic kind of Neville theme, haha. Afterwards we went to eat at LENAS which is beside M.O.F (and owned by M.O.F as well) where the food was a tad out of my budgety though it was pretty good. I liked the whole soup in a bread bowl idea, especially as you don't see it much in singapore any more: fondly remember the puff pastry on the soup in Pizza Hut, but they've long stopped that... Probably not going to eat there soon though.

I was so tempted to get a Build-A-Bear! They are just too cute! Oh my gosh... but it will be added pressure on my budget... hrrrrrumm.

It's time to start spending less, I've been like a total spendthrift this vacation... When school starts it will get much easier because I won't be going out much, plus I'll get pocket money again. Breakfast will be repackaged breakfast cereals and also I'll have to avoid the fast food in school. Wow I feel like Jon Lee, haha. There's a guy who's careful about his money! Always generous with his friends though, so that's a pretty good combination I think. I also feel that with friends one shouldn't be stingy, though of course, if there is a good way to save money without compromising on quality, that's always good. Like how I saved $2 for everyone's tickets today by asking them, 'Oh don't you have a student discount on weekdays?', heh. But it was also because the counter guy was really nice, because only my younger bro has a valid student card (I suspect they are not supposed to accept NUS student cards) and plus Jasmine forgot her student card, but he just said okay, so we happy lor. Haha.

Argh... there has been no progress on the exercise arrangement for thursday/friday. I've a good mind to become the coordinator for the event, set up an excel file, the works. Aiyo. ZY's mom is worried about ghosts. I can't really say anything, if ZY can't convince her mom I think there's not much that an outsider can do.

Btw today I asked my mom about taking ballet lessons. She was against it because she said that my paternal aunt used to be a dancer but now has a lot of joint problems. I should ask my aunt about that and ask her if she would recommend that I learn dance. I told mom that the reason why I wanted to learn ballet was to learn something new, and she said that I could continue with my flute (she has a point...). So I think no go on that front for now. We'll see. I also asked her about supplements. It's like how you should have good skin if you eat right, but why do we still need so many facial products then? Aren't they all medicines too? And do they not all eventually enter our system as well? Blah. I'll try convincing her again tomorrow. Probably the fault was mine because I picked the wrong time to ask: when she was watching a show, haha.

Harpy harpy harpy

Today was Gulia's lesson. I woke up early in order to finish my HA in good time, then I rushed through my warmup and did a lot of work on the La Source. It paid off, apparently, because she seemed quite pleased and said that my fingers are a lot more strong now. Of course, while I was practising before the lesson, I played it so much, so slowly and so strongly that by the time I got to my lesson, I was pretty tired, and she said that when I play the loud sections, my fingers get very uneven. Haha. So now the key is to train up that stamina by playing it every single day. The technique benefits are certainly an added bonus! It's like my training on the Bach-Grandjany Etude No. 1 (actually the Presto, 4th movt, from Bach's Violin Sonata No. 1 in G minor) which hugely increased my strength in my 1st 3 fingers, but now with the La Source which works all 4 fingers, it's even better.

I've always suspected that the 4th finger is weak. To be sure, not as weak as the 3rd finger, but still pretty weak compared to the 2nd and 1st (the thumb). The 3rd finger is really weak thoug, I have to admit... most of the time it's disguised because in most situations the 2nd and/or 4th finger can compensate for the 3rd's weakness, especially in the way that I was previously playing my warmups: it can sound fine if you don't do the exercises that expose its weakness, which was why I was always mystified whenever Gulia said that my 3rd finger was weak, because I couldn't see the weakness! Even up to recently I didn't think that my 3rd finger needed much work, until the prospective student inquired about lessons... Because if I'm going to be a teacher, I will have to look at all the beginner's exercises and all that, which was when I discovered that some books advocate using so and so exercises that when I tried the aforementioned exercises I realised that, it's really true that my 3rd finger is weak! Lol.

Other than that I didn't do much, except look through the Clair de Lune that I'm playing Harp 2 for as part of a duet. My part is a lot harder than Huang Yin's, okay! But I think it's do-able lah... just sit there for one whole day of intensive practise and it should be down pat, but it's the finding of time to do that that's the problem... No matter. I'm sure I can find time next week after I move to hostel and I once again have access to the harp studio! Whee! Can't wait to get back to school!

Oh, in a piece of good news... my teacher said that she will be recommending me to go to the Aspen music festival (but not confirmed at all that I will be going...) where I'll be able to learn with Her teacher, Nancy Allen! Coolness. She also recommended some places which I should research if I want to go for my Masters... Juilliard will be Nancy Allen of course, but meh... I seriously doubt I can get in, unless I learn another 4 years starting again with their Bachelor's degree like Gulia! Not my favorite option but possible. There's also Indiana, with Susann McDonald, and Gulia added, 'but I don't know if you want to go there, she's really old' (lol! what a thing to say!) as well as Toronto with Judy Loman (I have one of her CDs, she's apparently into 20th century music, hmm... I didn't actually mention SF conservatory though... I should probably ask her about Eastman, I see some graduate school rankings which rank it highly. She has something against Peabody though! Haha. Well I'll do some research and get back to her again :)

Strange dreams

Argh... I dreamt of C... who sort of confronted me in my home and revealed to me that the reason for ignoring me was because of a lack of confidence in physical looks. In between there was some book that C changed the words of to make mockery of those who judge others based on looks. I woke up and I laughed inwardly because that reason for ignoring me was just so... implausible. Luckily for my sanity, I promptly went back to sleep again and had another dream about touring an old castle as part of a tour group. It seemed like a kind of school-organised overseas trip though, because everybody was young. Ah. Dreams. I have so many strange ones.

Organ Debut!

That's what Jon Lee calls it: my organ debut. Haha. Too nice a term I think! The reality is a lot more mundane. All I did was that I played the organ at Mass for the first time. Actually I hadn't even started thinking seriously about it until Jon Lee used that term in his last sms to me before flying to Japan. Luckily he did, or I might have turned up for this morning's Mass mentally unprepared!

The playing itself was mostly okay, though at the Lamb of God part I didn't really watch the choir, the choir didn't really watch me, and I started out too early and the choir didn't know and I went on but the choir didn't join in and I had to abandon the whole enterprise and just start over. Didn't see the look on Fr's face and privately I'm glad I didn't have the chance to so that I won't think too much about it, lol. I do have a lot to be thankful though, the other Mass parts came out perfectly fine, though I still have to tweak the Alleluia and the 2nd half of the Lamb of God because I'm trying to play the melody all the time, which restricts my artistic freedom to do whatever I want to do on the right hand.

When I was playing the Mass parts today though, I couldn't help but be thankful to Yuezhi. When Yuezhi's group was doing their music history presentation, they discovered a method of recalling the 5 movements in the Mass which is completely invaluable for any Mass organist. Basically, it's this cute mnemonic that goes "Kids Go Crazy Singing All Day" which stands for Kyrie (Lord have mercy), Gloria (Glory to God in the Highest), Credo (The Creed), Santus (Holy, holy, holy) and lastly Agnus Dei (Lamb of God) (boy, do I love being able to read some Latin!)

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Later on in the night, I went for Kimmy's (alright Kimberly) concert. It was... well the 1st half was rather objectionable but the 2nd half fairly rescued it, in fact, it was quite fun and you could see the musicians having fun, for some of the songs at least. You could say that they warmed up after the 1st half and did better for the 2nd. Some of the solos were pretty commendable as well, though some had a serious attack of the nerves, which is perfectly excusable because I do that ALL THE TIME in orchestra. The group, as in the band members themselves were pretty much okay. I had a real issue with the conductor though. After learning that he was from the SAF band (some of the scores that the NP band has even has 'Property of the Singapore Armed Forces band' clearly stamped on it!) I had to roll my eyes and say 'no wonder'. It's not so much that they have no talent (alright, I can't really tell because I was never part of them), but rather that they get complacent and don't practise and everything pretty much goes down from there.

But the conductor himself, really... there were so many parts when he could have accentuated this or that part, or just created more effect or otherwise kept a better hold on the tuning (the tuning! my goodness! they tune after every song but the issue isn't the instruments going out of tune, it's the people themselves, they don't know how to tune...!) by carrying out exercises that will develop their listening ability. Because the tuning of the entire group depends on the ears of each and every member in the group (when my mom played the flute in band she said that she always slid the mouthpiece completely in, she was tone deaf so she couldn't tell that she was out of tune, which I don't believe she was really tone deaf, read below), you Have to increase the listening ability of the group as a whole, or else just one renegade member can ruin the whole effect. Neither is it a waste of time to carry out such exercises in the belief that 'some people can't be helped, they are just tone deaf.'

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Personally, after going through 11 years of some of the top choirs of the primary, secondary and jc level, plus more exposure to intonation and hearing in the conservatory and also interaction with members in the church choir with no musical background, I am firmly convinced that nobody is really tone deaf. Even the most tone deaf members in the choir, after a few months she was singing fine. It all depends on how you train your ears. This is a view that both me and Tony (my favorite teacher) hold: with enough training, nobody is truly tone deaf.

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Umm... after the sidetrack, back to Kimmy's concert. I went for her concert because well, I Am still supposed to be mentoring her (me! mentor her! goodness me! luckily she doesn't know that Colin secretly asked me to mentor her, or else I think she would be judging me a lot more differently or even harshly, instead of seeing me as a friend) but more importantly, because she's a friend. Yep, I go for friend's concerts now though I frequently avoid them in the past... with my new-found appreciation for relationships in general, I put more effort into maintaining friendships beyond those with friends at school whom I see every day. It's definitely paying off, cos when I first talked to Kimmy about my C problem she offered me a lot of advice (okay I don't know how much of it actually was useful, lol) and honestly I was quite a wreck and she helped me so much, so we became much closer because of that incident. If there's nothing else that I'm thankful to C for, at least C has brought me closer to a friend that I was not so close to to begin with. So all's good. 塞翁失马，焉知非福. (Something that seems good at first may not actually be good, conversely, something that seems bad may not always be bad.)

Speaking of concerts, I'm going for Zongyi's hiphop dance concert too! She gave us a sneak preview the other day and gosh, does she dance well! After being satisfied with my abilities in my 'supplementary' skills of piano and voice, I've always been looking for the next skill to develop, and I seriously think that I should go into dance. ZY's recommending hiphop, of course, but also because hiphop isolates every single part of the body (I've seen it and it's true!) I'm still undecided about which type of dance to learn though.

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C's active in their CCA... recently even set up some facebook page for their CCA, together with another person. It's always good to take the initiative in any organisation or even organising outings with friends etc, but it sometimes can get a bit unfair if the only people who become leaders are those who show enthusiasm and initiative. Of course, this IS part of what makes a good leader and every leader Should have it, but it is just as equally important to look at their other aspects.

1. It is possible that they are just doing it temporarily to get the post or get attention to their leadership potential instead of a genuine wish to see the group improve. We have to look at the sincerity of their intention.
2. Or they may simply not be suited for leadership. I know more than one student leader who always took the initiative and was full of enthusiasm and drive, but unfortunately they were just unable to lead. There were also others who simply couldn't cope academically after becoming a student leader and they had to be stripped of the post (highly unpalatable for all parties involved).
3. Others just want to help other people without true leadership ambition but they just get saddled with the post when other people say 'oh you're so involved and you are so capable, you should run for the leadership post etc etc' and to be honest, this happens in more than one instance. Like me with the organ thing. Everyone tells me 'oh you learnt music for so many years and you're from yong siew toh so you should go be the organist!'. It gets me all tied up in a knot because the position of organist is essentially a position of power and leadership as they are probably the most vital people in the choir. As for myself though, I'm not sure I'll even be a good organist because I'm worried that I won't have the time necessary to devote to organ playing, plus I am intending to stay 7 days a week at the hostel in my 4th year (to simulate a real overseas situation when one can't come back home at all) which means that I will only end up playing 1 year and then disappearing for another 1 year and possibly then even 2 more years if I do my masters. Then they spend so much time training me and I just poof off to somewhere, I don't think it's quite fair, somehow... :S (alright, if you think two lessons are a lot of time, lol...)

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Blah. My potential harp student wrote me a long email again. I wrote him a long email yesterday night and he replies emails so quickly! And it seems to take forever for me to write him back and I feel bad about it which makes me end up wanting to delay it further and oh gosh... sometimes I really have to force myself to do the things that I don't like. Sometimes it helps if I think of every problem as a new piece... Every piece when starting, doesn't sound good because you are learning the notes and going at a slow pace, but at that point you just have to suck it up and work on it, and then enjoy the fruits later.

This prospective student is really an interesting person though. As he is a pianist (took LTCL a few years ago) I told him that playing the harp would improve on his technique. He wrote back and asked how it would improve piano technique. Lol. Testing me on my knowledge! I wrote him back in this manner:

"To understand how harp playing can help piano technique, we have to first understand that technique is about the finger muscles.

1. In gym equipment parlance, the harp has a much greater 'resistance' than the piano with the heaviest touch so it forces the fingers to work harder and lift heavier 'weights', which strengthens them.
2. Also, the way in which pianists and harpists produce sound with our fingers is similar, in that when we press a key on the piano we are essentially bending our finger, going towards our palm. On the harp, we produce sounds by making the similar movement of bending of the finger towards the palm, but we go further and our fingers end up hitting the palm instead of the movement being stopped by the piano keys, i.e. the movement is greater and you develop more finger strength by making the entire movement instead of the halfway movement on the piano."

He wrote back and said, "Your scientific analysis of harp versus piano playing makes good sense!" Ha, well duh :P After learning more about harp technique from Gulia and that finger muscles are much like any other muscle in the body, I started going into forums for athletes and such to investigate how they increase strength, as well as some of their other routines like how they deal with pain and fatigue, avoid injury, etc.

In this aspect, a musician is just like any athlete: we are constantly dependent on our muscles to create music, and we even get musician specific injuries (for example my wrist is hurting now, argh!) with percussion players getting the most injuries (for the rest of us, we use each finger in turn, but for percussionists, they only have 2 wrists to work with, and they keep on using that joint all the time!). Others would be violin and piano players because they spend so much time in that contorted position. Personally, I think, 'so other instruments don't have that problem meh?' You mean that it's a natural, uncontorted position when harpists lift up their arms completely horizontal to play? When horn players hold up that heavy horn for the duration of their practice? Thus, I think, actually, that the reason why violinists and pianists have the most problems is because they practise the most: the competition is the most fierce, plus, the nature of their instrument means that they can indeed practise for hours on end without feeling any immediate and strong ill effects, and only feel the consequences later on. It's different for wind/brass players because they use their entire body to play and they get tired more easily, especially brass players who must rest their lip muscles.

Wow, you know really, it's really not easy to be a wind/brass player. They can't even smile while enjoying the music they play, because smiling would hugely modify their embouchure, becoming detrimental to their playing. I think that must be one of the greatest sacrifices. I think of myself and oh, how can I possibly play and not smile? That would take away so much of the enjoyment, not to mention that the very act of making the facial expression in turn intensifies the emotion that created the facial expression in the first place! It's like me laughing... often, after a while, I'm not actually laughing because of the funny thing any more, but because I was just laughing and it just goes on and on... :)

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Hmm... oops. While I was writing this post, I didn't realise that one person whom I was talking to had gone offline and the other conversation I was in (which was a group conversation with 3 people including me) the other two were just talking to each other without really knowing that I wasn't looking, haha oops. Gosh, I guess that's my problem when I concentrate... I end up blocking out everything else. Not that I'm complaining though. It's a useful skill... most of the time that is. I get to practise harp as much as I want before I even notice the time passing! Specifically for writing though, I block out everything else so that the ideas that I have don't get lost, because most of the time when I'm typing in my idea, more ideas form and I have to get them down as fast as I can. Sometimes they are more elusive than catching dreams or butterflies...

Songs of the soul

I haven't been writing much recently. It's mostly been bits and pieces, some of which are still in drafts stage because I didn't write much and got distracted by something later on. Yeah I've broken the rhythm and now I have to get back to it... hard to before because I've been incurring a constant sleep debt for the past week and I suspect that I might be developing some sleep problems... Some people in the conservatory already have sleep problems even though they always slept normally before... don't want to be the next one.

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I've been practising my Mass parts and I think I'm ready to play on sunday. Yeah!

While flipping through our Baking Bread hymnal, I also discovered this song, called 'The Summons' which has some meaningful lyrics. The music is great too and I did some improvisation to it which, not to praise myself, I think sounds rather pretty. Maybe I'll get to play it in Mass sometime.

Will you come and follow me, if I but call your name?

Will you go where you don't know, and never be the same?

Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known?

Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind, if I but call your name?

Will you care for cruel and kind, and never be the same?

Will you risk the hostile stare? Should your life attract or scare?

Will you let me answer pray'r in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see, if I but call your name?

Will you set the pris'ners free, and never be the same?

Will you kiss the leper clean, and do such as this unseen,

And admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the 'you' you hide, if I but call your name?

Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?

Will you use the faith you've found, to reshape the world around?

Through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true, when you but call my name.

Let me turn and follow you, and never be the same.

In your company I'll go, where your love and footsteps show.

Thus I'll move and grow in you and you in me.

The question marks places the onus on us: 'Will you'? We have heard the Word of God and now is the time to respond to it.

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For all its prettiness and meaning though, 'The Summons' cannot possibly compare to two songs that I heard recently...

I was on youtube looking for videos to send my prospective harp student (he seems a real music enthusiast, could be fun) and while looking at my favorites, I rediscovered 'Salve Regina', a piece that I had sung as a member of a girls' choir. I'd loved it then, the mixing harmonies, the gravity contained within it, like a planet whose stately motion we could never hope to shake. I was actually thinking about the Salve Regina a few days ago because I'd gone to school on Monday to help Kimmy with her project (she had to interview university students), therefore on the way passing by Clementi station which made me think of part of the words in Salve Regina: "O clemens, O pia, O dulcis virgo". I believe Salve Regina was the first Latin song I ever sang, and that was my first exposure to Latin, one of the most beautiful languages ever spoken (thus my interest in learning Italian, the successor of Latin). When I sing Salve Regina to myself, I still smile. It was wretchedly difficult for a sop (of sec sch level) because it reached so high, and the conductor 'eliminated' something like more than half the Sop 1 population who couldn't hit those notes. Luckily I wasn't 'eliminated', so I got to sing the part and... oh, the intervals... the major 2nds, that clash so mystically (the same as in the opening of Eric Whitacre's 'Water Night')...

We sang the song in Hawaii when we went to compete there for the Pacific Basin Music Festival. While waiting for our turn to perform in front of the judges, we had a little warm up outdoors, outside the venue. We sang Salve Regina and when we had finished, this man came up (he was dragging a dustbin along) and said to the conductor, "You sing like angels!" (in an american accent) and then gave Ms Chye (our conductor) a US$20. Cool, lol. I never knew how much this music could touch hearts because, as someone who performs the piece, you get stressed out by your conductor and you've practised so many times that you know where the mistakes lie and the magic is lost, but to someone who hears it for the first time... It is indeed like a glimpse of heaven and the choirs of angels.

I was like someone who glimpsed heaven when I listened to another song by the same choir. I'd noticed that there were links from the video of Salve Regina to other songs sung by the same choir (that choir seems like one of the, if not the best, in Hungary and definitely a world-class choir) so I clicked and listened to the others available. That's when I discovered Franz Biebl's 'Ave Maria'.

I showed it to Silvano who said "Ah yes, that's Franz Biebl's Ave Maria. Very beautiful piece." I'm not sure if ' very beautiful piece' fully justifies it. That piece is truly magical, with its soaring voices, and beautiful harmonies that can only be brought about by a choir that is strong in ALL sections, and they have it! The composer and the performer comes together to create not just art, but magic. It's incredible: every single voice in the harmony is just so balanced and it's so... ethereal... Especially the anchoring of the chord at 0.36, 1.18 and 2.50, and my heart feels an extreme twinge... and then the music goes up and up... Like the music was gathering all the happiness and voices of praise on the earth, and lifting them up to Heaven... I can't describe the tremors in my heart when that high note is reached... there is a kind of squeezing and yet an uncontrollable tremble. Sigh... that song makes one want to fall on one's knees in prayer... It's almost as good as falling in love.

That music touched my soul.

Soulmate

If there was only one person in the world who could give you happiness, wouldn't you give everything up to be with them? And wouldn't you try to be the best person you can for them, just because they are worth it?

Colin has been trying to push me in the direction of Jon Lee, saying that Jon would be a good match for me, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's not going to work. Our attitudes towards love are different. When I am with someone, I pull out all the stops and put in all my effort to make it work. There is scarcely anything more important than he. My entire 24 hours are geared towards this single person, and even my ambitions and future life goals revolve around this person. Honestly I can't say the same for Jon Lee. His ex went to Eastmond and well Jon also qualified, but because he didn't get a scholarship (while getting one from YST), he decided to go to YST instead. Now, I really respect that he was trying to help his parents save money, but for him it was a clear cut choice. I know that if it were me, I would have tried so hard to be at Eastmond just to be with the one I love, but well, for Jon... while he is seeking for a soulmate, the love of one person does not take up everything in his soul. That is the crucial difference.

Colin says that Jon's views are merely the milder version of mine. That may be, but I can't help thinking, though, that if a couple does not share the same attitude towards love and romance, their approach towards it will also be different. The relationship is valued differently. One party is going to end up being a lot more clingy and the other party will feel stifled, and well, the difference is going to make a difference. I remember that in my previous relationship, there was a point when my ex started to value the relationship differently from me and that's when all the trouble started. I'm especially concerned about whether the other party is able to handle it because I know that I do get a bit too obsessive over the person and I freely admit it. Over the last 3 years I have indeed changed, but I'm still not sure if I can moderate my tendency towards obsession. Over the holidays I have been forced to admit that to a large extent the obsessiveness is still present. And until I know that my obsessive tendencies are fully under control, or that the other person is able to match up to my level of intensity in a relationship, the relationship will already be compromised from the start. If I can already see that it's not going to work, no way will I be getting into a relationship. In the arena of love, 老娘是不做亏本生意的 (this woman does not go into a losing business)

In any case, I suppose my attitude towards relationships is already kinda scary for most guys, because when I get into a relationship, I see the future. I see marriage down the road and all the rest of it. Dating isn't my thing because I'm not looking to just try out every male around to see if it works. I'm looking for someone who fulfills my mental criteria, but yet at the same time, if he is my soulmate, I should also fulfill his (otherwise how can it be called a soulmate, right?). Not to mention that most important connection between the two of us. I don't want to get into a relationship, blunder around for years, clinging to each other out of security, only to finally admit that we are not suited for each other.

There is so much preparation and groundwork that has to be done before even getting into a relationship, because, if love is a gunfight, I shoot to kill. I may be giggling and not serious a lot of the time, but for me, love is always deadly serious.

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Gosh, I'm still aching all over... shouldn't have pushed myself that hard yesterday... lol. Currently listening to Ievan Polkka, a song which is completely addictive! It's sung by Vocaloid, a computer singing program that makes it sound slightly robotic on one hand but also completely cute on the other! Not to mention that it never has problems with vocal range, haha. It's so catchy! I was singing this to myself in the shower and trying to go at the actual speed while trying to get the intonation right, but switching between the major and minor triad is much harder than I thought... bah. The song is so fun to sing though, that one can't help but smile and be uplifted.

Hra-tsa-tsa, ia ripi-dapi dilla barits tad dillan deh lando.
Aba rippadta parip parii ba ribi, ribi, ribiriz den teahlando,
La barillaz dillan deiallou ara va reve reve revydyv dyvjavuo
Bariz dah l'llavz dei lando dabaoke dagae gadae due due dei ia do
Hra-tsa-tsa, ia ripi-dapi dilla barits tad dillan deh lando.
Aba rippadta parip parii ba ribi, ribi, ribiriz den teahlando,
La barillaz dillan deiallou ara va reve reve revydyv dyvjavuo
Bariz dah l'llavz dei lando dabaoke dagae gadae due due dei ia do

Arattzattza ya ribiraririn raba rittan rindam denrandu
Waba rittatta parippari pariri ribiribi risutan denrandu
Yaba rindan tenran deiaroo waraba dubudubudubu deiebu
Ra rittan dinran denrandu tatatataduuduu deiabuu
Arattzattza ya ribiraririn raba rittan rindam denrandu
Waba rittatta parippari pariri ribiribi risutan denrandu
Yaba rindan tenran deiaroo waraba dubudubudubu deiebu
Ra rittan dinran denrandu tatatataduuduu deiabuu

If you look at the lyrics, most of the consonants are very percussive and that's part of what makes it so fun!

Artemis...

Today I started my day with exercise. Then on the way back, I saw somebody selling muruku, and so I bought a packet... I've been trying to look for somebody else who sells as good a muruku as they sell in this shop just next to CTK (Christ the King church) but I've tried something like over 5 types of muruku now and none of them actually come close, they have too much spice or are too tough to chew... or just something else that is not right. This is something that both me and my younger bro completely agree on... we haven't found any muruku Anywhere that can match up to the one near CTK... and every time that I do go to the place I always end up buying at least 3 packets, because even if I don't eat them, we do keep them for a later time. Muruku is by far our favorite snack, haha. Speaking of which I think my bro stole my muruku... >:( I can't find it anywhere...

After I came back, I talked to Jasmine a little, then took a nap and then cycled to the photo shop in Sgn North Ave 1 that is near both our houses and picked up the poster that I had framed (framed, not scapegoated, mind...). I have to keep it in the wrapping paper til we move house though. Not much point putting up the picture because it will just end up creating a hole in the wall that we have to patch up later before we sell the house... so not worth it. I really like the picture though... an angel with the lute... 11-stringed lute. I'm going to put it in the harp room when we move :D

"Angel with Lute", part of a fresco painted by Melozzo da Forli (1438-1494) (Melozzo from 'Forli', they didn't have surnames back in the 15th century so they used the name of the place they were from, for example Leonardo da Vinci is basically Leonardo from 'Vinci')

Speaking of harps, I've been thinking of a lot of different names for my harp. Right now I'm favoring Artemis, you can read about her here (yes, I finally got back to recalling my html) I like the name because it's the name of the goddess who was also a huntress... a woman who is both strong and beautiful. I was looking on the internet and I found this picture... (hmm... she is left-handed? haha) When I was about 11 or so I first glimpsed this picture (actually a completed jigsaw puzzle) in my aunt's office, with the curve of the bow fitted snugly into the curve of the crescent moon... I loved it at once but I never knew which goddess it was... I had no idea it was even a goddess and not some fairy... Only when I learnt more about greek mythology did I find out that it's Artemis (thank you wikipedia) so I think that it would be fitting to call my harp after a greek goddess depicted in a picture that I've always loved. And, well, her association with the moon and by extension, astronomy... what can I say? It's a great name. Some previous names I considered included Cantate and Caritas.

I don't understand why every single day I'm just so completely exhausted... sometimes I know it's because I do some stuff, but surely not every single day? Or maybe it's just because when I'm not tired I end up staying up until I do get tired?

The seed that fell on thorny ground...

I sat beside Colin for Mass today. I learnt quite a bit more about which music goes where exactly and I realised that I don't know my Mass parts sufficiently yet!

Then I went to grandma's house for dinner, then went back and practised the CPE again... I think I'm obsessed with it, haha. It's just... compelling. And each day I just want to uncover the treasure more and more... really helps that the movement that I'm doing is light and fast, so I can sort of dance with my head to the music. I realise that I really like to dance to the music while at choir prac today because I just couldn't keep my limbs from moving, it just... went. Especially when Colin made the music more dance-like... I really want to learn dance. To finally let my bodily expressions have a directed outlet... or else actually I feel a little silly sometimes, haha.

Colin wants me to have my Mass parts ready by next next week! I told him I wasn't quite ready for next week especially because I'm going to have lesson with Gulia on the 18th... bleah. CPE's kinda ready to go but the others are still... I'm actually worried about the La Source. Spohr is do-able, just needs to be more... drillish. Oh, incredible english I have :p

Then at night, we went out for my godfather's birthday dinner, and he said that he's going to give me something generous for my birthday. Nice uncle, haha. Then I also talked to my aunt who suggested that I learn about investing in stocks from my grandma. Hehe. Well, if you go down one path and it doesn't work, go back and try the other. Crossroads aren't always final...

I haven't talked about my faith for some time. Above all I always try not to be pushy, so tell me if I'm getting too much so, and I'll scale back. The other time when Gulia asked me the other time whether I was religious and I said yes, she was shocked and had a sort of guarded look, so I had to say that I'm not the pushy kind of Christian. Which is true. Having experienced pushy religious people, I know how irritating it can get, especially when people quote verses from a book that the other Doesn't read! (i.e., the Bible) Well anyways... going back to the original point... I feel as if I'm being sorely tested in my faith right now. Today's reading was about the parable of the sower:

Once there was a man who went out to sow grain. As he scattered the seed in the field, some of it fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some of it fell on rocky ground, where there was little soil. The seeds soon sprouted, because the soil wasn't deep. But when the sun came up, it burned the young plants and because the roots had not grown deep enough, the plants soon dried up. Some of the seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. But some seeds fell in good soil, and the plants bore grain: some had one hundred grains, others sixty, and others thirty. Listen then, and learn what the parable of the sower means. Those who hear the message about the Kingdom but do not understand it are like the seeds that fell along the path. The Evil One comes and snatches away what was sown in them. The seeds that fell on rocky ground stand for those who receive the message gladly as soon as they hear it. But it does not sink deep into them, and they don't last long. So when trouble or persecution comes because of the message, they give up at once. The seeds that fell among thorns stand for those who hear the message; but the worries about this life and the love for riches choke the message, and they don't bear fruit. And the seeds sown in the good soil stand for those who hear the message and understand it: they bear fruit.

The Word seems to have fallen on thorny ground of my heart... it once was strong and thriving, but now it seems like the world is slowly taking over. It's so easy to say we're just busy. At the same time I see so many other people also being the thorny ground... How can we change? It's been some time since I was intensely inspired by God, because I was not seeking for Him. I know that for my part, I have been spiritually damaged by some things that have happened as well as some things that I have done, and my soul is still in the process of recovery. At least being in the choir maintains my emotional connection, no matter how frail it may be. On the intellectual level I do know everything, but now I lack the emotional connection. It's time to consciously set aside time for God each day instead of just at the 'normal' prayer times.

Relationships are like plants. You have to water them regularly or they'll die.

Getting out of the rat race

I practised quite a bit today, and it was quite a gleeful thing when I saw how much progress I had made. I managed to learn another page of CPE plus get the 2 pages before that up to speed, so that made me pretty happy :D

I also napped, and played some mindless games which I personally suspect are partly to blame for me not thinking much these few days. Strangely my mind is the most active when I'm practising, when my mind tends to wander. When I paying attention though, I get so amazed at CPE's wonderful creation, it's just... incredible to go through the keys and see the little paths that the music takes... it's not just beautiful on the aesthetic level but also engages the mind on the intellectual level. Just like the works of his father Bach. Simply bliss condensed on paper.

Some discussions that I had with some of my friends made me realise that I need to learn investing myself. Time to learn from my uncle I guess... I find it disturbing that my parents refuse to teach me anything for fear that I will lose everything. Well, neither do I want to lose everything, which is why I'm asking them for guidance, right? I think I should talk to them seriously about it, and soon. I've been asking them about investing since J2 and they've never believed in me. Well, since they let me have the contact lenses, I guess I could try for the investment, they are reasonable people after all.

A peaceful day mostly

I unpaused my Human-Age characters today. When I did so, I started wondering if it was the right thing to do. It's pretty... time-consuming, and I had big plans for what to do with my free time...

In between of being tired of practising harp, I've managed to practise my piano pieces to a level I'm satisfied with, so I'm going on to try a Nocturne of Chopin's, as well as to start learning the 3rd prelude of WTC, the C# major! I haven't actually looked at the fugue for that, but the prelude is pretty awesome as it is. After that I really liked this fugue somewhere... I know it's in Book 1 of the WTC so I guess I just have to look for it. Yep... imslp confirms that it's Fugue VIII, Eb minor. Yeah!

Also, I cycled to Serangoon North to go jogging (well, brisk walking) with Jasmine. Took a shortcut from Gardens to Srgn N even though I had absolutely no idea which way to go. Then again I usually just use my sixth sense to figure out where to go, and most of the time I'm right. Anyway, Jasmine and I ended up going to the Japanese Cemetary, which was within walking distance. There, we saw a bunny!! Instead of jogging we ended up chasing a bunny. Haha. Well it was sooooooooo cute, and Jasmine took a lot of pictures. In case you're wondering, we did get some exercise in after, plus a lot of talking. Then, it started to rain, so I couldn't cycle back, so we had dinner in the area. We had awesome dumpling noodles! Was a really good deal because there were 4 large dumplings and the noodle portion was pretty generous too. Only thing was that I was a little stuffed after that.

Then I met Marcus Tay (flute senior, just graduated from YST) and he had.... wow... changed a lot. I thought he was staying at the Serangoon North area, but it turned out that he was just teaching there. Wonder what his plans are right now. Probably nothing much yet.

After the rain I finally managed to cycle back. Then I watched the premiere of HP7 online. I'm not really a HP fan, so I just left the sound on while I pottered about (pun intended) doing my stuff. The interviews of the stars got a little repetitive after a while though, they were mostly saying the same things.

Yay, managed to improve finger agility today. It feels a little tight though, I think I need to increase the intensity more gradually. Anyways it's been a long day, so time for bed *yawn*

Saturday...

Today I did nothing but spend hours and hours typing out a 3500+ word email. Yeah, rather hard to believe I actually have so much to say. I would rather much have called him, but after what happened yesterday I decided to sms him before I actually called him. I asked if he would mind if I called him and he said, 'Yes. Just stop bugging me." but in the end I still called him anyway. He didn't pick up. I was distressed and Colin told me to just go to sleep.