Soulmate

If there was only one person in the world who could give you happiness, wouldn't you give everything up to be with them? And wouldn't you try to be the best person you can for them, just because they are worth it?

Colin has been trying to push me in the direction of Jon Lee, saying that Jon would be a good match for me, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's not going to work. Our attitudes towards love are different. When I am with someone, I pull out all the stops and put in all my effort to make it work. There is scarcely anything more important than he. My entire 24 hours are geared towards this single person, and even my ambitions and future life goals revolve around this person. Honestly I can't say the same for Jon Lee. His ex went to Eastmond and well Jon also qualified, but because he didn't get a scholarship (while getting one from YST), he decided to go to YST instead. Now, I really respect that he was trying to help his parents save money, but for him it was a clear cut choice. I know that if it were me, I would have tried so hard to be at Eastmond just to be with the one I love, but well, for Jon... while he is seeking for a soulmate, the love of one person does not take up everything in his soul. That is the crucial difference.

Colin says that Jon's views are merely the milder version of mine. That may be, but I can't help thinking, though, that if a couple does not share the same attitude towards love and romance, their approach towards it will also be different. The relationship is valued differently. One party is going to end up being a lot more clingy and the other party will feel stifled, and well, the difference is going to make a difference. I remember that in my previous relationship, there was a point when my ex started to value the relationship differently from me and that's when all the trouble started. I'm especially concerned about whether the other party is able to handle it because I know that I do get a bit too obsessive over the person and I freely admit it. Over the last 3 years I have indeed changed, but I'm still not sure if I can moderate my tendency towards obsession. Over the holidays I have been forced to admit that to a large extent the obsessiveness is still present. And until I know that my obsessive tendencies are fully under control, or that the other person is able to match up to my level of intensity in a relationship, the relationship will already be compromised from the start. If I can already see that it's not going to work, no way will I be getting into a relationship. In the arena of love, 老娘是不做亏本生意的 (this woman does not go into a losing business)

In any case, I suppose my attitude towards relationships is already kinda scary for most guys, because when I get into a relationship, I see the future. I see marriage down the road and all the rest of it. Dating isn't my thing because I'm not looking to just try out every male around to see if it works. I'm looking for someone who fulfills my mental criteria, but yet at the same time, if he is my soulmate, I should also fulfill his (otherwise how can it be called a soulmate, right?). Not to mention that most important connection between the two of us. I don't want to get into a relationship, blunder around for years, clinging to each other out of security, only to finally admit that we are not suited for each other.

There is so much preparation and groundwork that has to be done before even getting into a relationship, because, if love is a gunfight, I shoot to kill. I may be giggling and not serious a lot of the time, but for me, love is always deadly serious.

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Gosh, I'm still aching all over... shouldn't have pushed myself that hard yesterday... lol. Currently listening to Ievan Polkka, a song which is completely addictive! It's sung by Vocaloid, a computer singing program that makes it sound slightly robotic on one hand but also completely cute on the other! Not to mention that it never has problems with vocal range, haha. It's so catchy! I was singing this to myself in the shower and trying to go at the actual speed while trying to get the intonation right, but switching between the major and minor triad is much harder than I thought... bah. The song is so fun to sing though, that one can't help but smile and be uplifted.

Hra-tsa-tsa, ia ripi-dapi dilla barits tad dillan deh lando.
Aba rippadta parip parii ba ribi, ribi, ribiriz den teahlando,
La barillaz dillan deiallou ara va reve reve revydyv dyvjavuo
Bariz dah l'llavz dei lando dabaoke dagae gadae due due dei ia do
Hra-tsa-tsa, ia ripi-dapi dilla barits tad dillan deh lando.
Aba rippadta parip parii ba ribi, ribi, ribiriz den teahlando,
La barillaz dillan deiallou ara va reve reve revydyv dyvjavuo
Bariz dah l'llavz dei lando dabaoke dagae gadae due due dei ia do

Arattzattza ya ribiraririn raba rittan rindam denrandu
Waba rittatta parippari pariri ribiribi risutan denrandu
Yaba rindan tenran deiaroo waraba dubudubudubu deiebu
Ra rittan dinran denrandu tatatataduuduu deiabuu
Arattzattza ya ribiraririn raba rittan rindam denrandu
Waba rittatta parippari pariri ribiribi risutan denrandu
Yaba rindan tenran deiaroo waraba dubudubudubu deiebu
Ra rittan dinran denrandu tatatataduuduu deiabuu

If you look at the lyrics, most of the consonants are very percussive and that's part of what makes it so fun!