Then I went to grandma's house for dinner, then went back and practised the CPE again... I think I'm obsessed with it, haha. It's just... compelling. And each day I just want to uncover the treasure more and more... really helps that the movement that I'm doing is light and fast, so I can sort of dance with my head to the music. I realise that I really like to dance to the music while at choir prac today because I just couldn't keep my limbs from moving, it just... went. Especially when Colin made the music more dance-like... I really want to learn dance. To finally let my bodily expressions have a directed outlet... or else actually I feel a little silly sometimes, haha.
Colin wants me to have my Mass parts ready by next next week! I told him I wasn't quite ready for next week especially because I'm going to have lesson with Gulia on the 18th... bleah. CPE's kinda ready to go but the others are still... I'm actually worried about the La Source. Spohr is do-able, just needs to be more... drillish. Oh, incredible english I have :p
Then at night, we went out for my godfather's birthday dinner, and he said that he's going to give me something generous for my birthday. Nice uncle, haha. Then I also talked to my aunt who suggested that I learn about investing in stocks from my grandma. Hehe. Well, if you go down one path and it doesn't work, go back and try the other. Crossroads aren't always final...
I haven't talked about my faith for some time. Above all I always try not to be pushy, so tell me if I'm getting too much so, and I'll scale back. The other time when Gulia asked me the other time whether I was religious and I said yes, she was shocked and had a sort of guarded look, so I had to say that I'm not the pushy kind of Christian. Which is true. Having experienced pushy religious people, I know how irritating it can get, especially when people quote verses from a book that the other Doesn't read! (i.e., the Bible) Well anyways... going back to the original point... I feel as if I'm being sorely tested in my faith right now. Today's reading was about the parable of the sower:
Once there was a man who went out to sow grain. As he scattered the seed in the field, some of it fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some of it fell on rocky ground, where there was little soil. The seeds soon sprouted, because the soil wasn't deep. But when the sun came up, it burned the young plants and because the roots had not grown deep enough, the plants soon dried up. Some of the seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. But some seeds fell in good soil, and the plants bore grain: some had one hundred grains, others sixty, and others thirty. Listen then, and learn what the parable of the sower means. Those who hear the message about the Kingdom but do not understand it are like the seeds that fell along the path. The Evil One comes and snatches away what was sown in them. The seeds that fell on rocky ground stand for those who receive the message gladly as soon as they hear it. But it does not sink deep into them, and they don't last long. So when trouble or persecution comes because of the message, they give up at once. The seeds that fell among thorns stand for those who hear the message; but the worries about this life and the love for riches choke the message, and they don't bear fruit. And the seeds sown in the good soil stand for those who hear the message and understand it: they bear fruit.
The Word seems to have fallen on thorny ground of my heart... it once was strong and thriving, but now it seems like the world is slowly taking over. It's so easy to say we're just busy. At the same time I see so many other people also being the thorny ground... How can we change? It's been some time since I was intensely inspired by God, because I was not seeking for Him. I know that for my part, I have been spiritually damaged by some things that have happened as well as some things that I have done, and my soul is still in the process of recovery. At least being in the choir maintains my emotional connection, no matter how frail it may be. On the intellectual level I do know everything, but now I lack the emotional connection. It's time to consciously set aside time for God each day instead of just at the 'normal' prayer times.
Relationships are like plants. You have to water them regularly or they'll die.
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